the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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