This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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