You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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