walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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