I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
