There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
