Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
