He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
