This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
