Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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