I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
