the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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