i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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