If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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