he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
