I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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