He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
