...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
