words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
