Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
