He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
