I accidentally had phone sex last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
