I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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