I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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