In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
