I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
