I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I believe in your delicious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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