why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
