First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i've created a new STD.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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