I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
