They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
