just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
