u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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