I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
