how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
