butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
