Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
