i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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