I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PANTIES FOUND
Pooping to opera.
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