Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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