I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
