pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
