dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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