My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.