Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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