And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.