That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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