I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.