Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

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  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47547) Bad night (2411)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

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  (678): Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember. http://tfl.nu/s3lo
  Replies (51) Good night (4705) Bad night (1472)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7377) Bad night (1897)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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  (318): What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway? http://tfl.nu/w9j3
  Replies (19) Good night (5626) Bad night (1246)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

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  (281): I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged. http://tfl.nu/p1l3
  Replies (31) Good night (7630) Bad night (1111)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves

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  (402): You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves http://tfl.nu/lewx
  Replies (7) Good night (902) Bad night (2318)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts

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  (858): Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts http://tfl.nu/npv2
  Replies (17) Good night (6817) Bad night (1002)
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  (925): View more from California

  He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.

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  (925): He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept. http://tfl.nu/niyr
  Replies (23) Good night (3346) Bad night (714)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all

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  (321): Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all http://tfl.nu/j4ja
  Replies (8) Good night (1484) Bad night (593)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You and the dog were competed for the water dish

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  (508): You and the dog were competed for the water dish http://tfl.nu/2x76
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (742)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now

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  (978): At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now http://tfl.nu/9tr0
  Replies (7) Good night (488) Bad night (852)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...

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  (306): "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning... http://tfl.nu/awmt
  Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (310)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school

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  (205): And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school http://tfl.nu/10l1
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (230)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was

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  (727): all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was http://tfl.nu/9gyk
  Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (168)
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  (756): View more from

  i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry

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  (756): i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry http://tfl.nu/es94
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (175)

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