I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.