You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
