I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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