I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
