Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.