I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
