dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
