She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
