No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
