i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
