I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
