I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
