Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
