I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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