she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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