I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
