The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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