Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
