He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
