He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
