I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
