he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
