So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
