Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
