I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
