She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
