Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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