I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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