im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i think my cat just said my name.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
