3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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