I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
