toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
