well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
