yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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