tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
