you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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