i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
