New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize