Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
