Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
