Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
