as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
