as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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